Why There's no "Complaining Day"

Bill Brown ... Xiamen University

Thanksgiving vs. Complaints Day

As usual, my Sunday morning at XICF turned out to be the highlight of my week--and hopefully I can take to heart Luke Wong's message (I hope this is not the Wong spelling?) about "Thankfulness--a Healthy Habit" because I too easily get into the other habit--that of complaining.

I am generally, I think, a thankful person. After all, through no merit of my own, I am blessed with a wonderful family, friends, meaningful work, health that is better than some others. And I usually do look on the bright side of things; I've lived in some pretty bad places, but still enjoyed almost every place I've lived, and most jobs I've had. I've tried to follow my parent's advice, "Always leave a place better than you found it," and dwell not on what is but on what could be, and then try to help bring that about.

But...a good friend told me two days ago "I have too much on my plate..." and I realize that I do as well. I've let too much pile up on my plate, and rather than taking it in bites I've tried to push it off on to others' plates by complaining about it. The best thing, of course, is to not take such a big plate in the first place. My Father certainly makes us grab the biggest plate on the rack, but we do it anyway (for Him, of course, not ourselves).

A couple years ago I wrote in a song that I sang at XICF, "Am I driven by the devil's din or by that still, small voice within? Let me not be driven, Lord, let me be led." I pray this for others' sake as well as my own, because when I am led, I can lead. But when I allow myself to be driven, I do not lead but drive those around me--and burn out myself, and them, and then the complaining starts...

One of my favorite points in Rick Warren's "Purpose Driven Life" is that the book is not about doing more but less. As I teach in Organizational Behavior at Xiamen University, it is better to do a few things well than to do many things badly. If I take a smaller plate, and learn to discerningly say "No," those I turn down will be upset, but the few things I do well will bless others. But if I try to do everything for everyone, I will do nothing well, and everyone will be angry with me. And I in turn will be angry with myself, and pity myself ("I did it for them!"), and complain. I need to be a wise steward of my time, and resources--and replace the habit of complaining with the habit of thanksgiving, as Luke Wang (or Wong?) taught us this morning in his message at Xiamen International Christian Fellowship .

This was one of the best messages about complaining vs. thanksgiving that I've ever heard, and I took notes as best I could. I hope it blesses you as well. Dr. Bill

Thankfulness--A Healthy Habit
or... Thanksgiving Day or Complaining Day?
XICF, Nov. 23, 2008, by Luke W.

Luke 17:11-19. Jesus healed ten lepers but only one returned to thank Him. Why only one?
For companies to be healthy, they must learn to celebrate.
For people to be healthy, they must learn to be thankful. In fact, research has proven that thankful people are more resistant to dissease.
Thankfulness is not natural, but complaining is. This is why we have a Thanksgiving Day but not a Complaining Holiday. We all complain quite naturally, without a holiday to remind us.
We may feel a little better after complaining, but complaining is unhealthy, and leads to depression, anxiety, and sickness.
Complaining is like junk food: it tastes sweet at first but makes you sick later.
If you want to maximize your health, don't complain. Be thankful, as Jesus was thankful. Jesus gave thanks to His Father. He did not have to, because he and His Father were one, but He gave thanks as an example for us.
Philippians 2:14 Do everything without complaining or arguing.

1. BREAK THE HABIT! Children come into the world complaining. When ripped from the womb they wail, "Why take me out of this comfortable place!" Of course they can't speak yet so they cry because they're diaper is wet, they are hungry, they are thirsty, they are.... it can drive you up the wall! And so complaining becomes a habit that continues even after we learn to talk--and most of us never break the habit even after we grow up.
Complaining is like bad breath: you notice it when it comes out of other people's mouth but not your own.

2. DON'T COMPLAIN AS A HABIT TO GET SYMPATHY OR RELIEF. Mark Twain said we should not complain because 80% of the people don't care and the other 20% think we deserve whatever we're complaining about.
Complaining puts us in a foul mood, and makes us negative--and makes us sick [and here, Luke shared how he complained while in a Xiamen hospital for a week, and how it hurt his health!].

Turtle's withdraw, and keep it inside; skunks stink up the whole place. Don't be a skunk. Complaining may be the easiest way to seek relief, but it is not the healthiest. It festers resentment, anger, potential hatred, and destroys objectivity.

But....

COMPLAINING VS. EVALUATING

Complaining is not the same as evaluating a person or situation. Evaluation is necessary--but if not careful, evaluating can become complaining.
What is the difference between complaining and evaluating? (Sue answered, "One is positive, one is negative". Another replied, "The motive, and the results").
Complaining is more reactionary. Evaluating is more objective, and INTENTIONAL.

BREAK THE HABIT? REPLACE BAD HABITS WITH A GOOD HABIT: BE THANKFUL!

1 Thess. 5:18 "Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will..." Not "Be thankful FOR all circumstances" but "Be thankful IN all circumstances..."

1. ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR BLESSINGS. We often compalin because we cannot see the blessings. Our focus is wrong. If we stop focusing on blessings, we stop noticing our blessings. If we stop noticing our blessings, we stop appreciating them. If we stop appreciating our blessings, we stop being thankful for them.

New couples fall IN love because they pay attention to the good in each other. Later they fall OUT of love because they pay more attention to the problems and forget the good in their spouse. We DO need to evaluate, of course, but we must be careful not to focus too much on the negatives.

Matthew Henry, the great Bible commentator, was robbed, and afterwards wrote in this diary that he was thankful because 1) he was robbed but not killed. 2) they took everything, but he did not have that much to take). 3) that he, and not someone else, was robbed. And 4) that he was not the one doing the robbing.

2. HUMBLE YOURSELF. The one leper who returned to give thanks humbled himself and fell at Jesus feet. It must have taken courage to return, for he was used to hiding from people, yelling "Unclean." On top of this, he was a despised Samaritan, a "foreigner." But he returned.,
Humility is a choice, but we must make it. Pride and Independence is an illusion. We need each other [here Luke shared his pride when an old Chinese lady who spoke no English in New York Chinatown asked for his help--and then how helpless he felt after coming to Xiamen and needing Chinese' help for the simplest things, like reading his electric bill].

3. BE THANKFUL BY OVERCOMING CIRCUMSTANCES. Only the Samaritan gave thanks. He overcame his fear, and went to see the priest as commanded, and was healed on the way. And he overcame his fear and returned to give thanks. And Jesus said "Your faith has made you well." [and here Luke made a point I never thought of--though folks who know me are aware that I rarely think anyway]. When Jesus said the leper's faith had made him well, he did not mean just physical health, because he had already been healed! Jesus meant that he was also emotionally healed.

Overcome your impediments, your biases, your fears, your doubts.

And here my notes runneth out! But that was aobut the end of Luke's message. I am very thankful, Luke, for your message on Thanksgiving, and I will try not to complain so much.

Now if I can only figure out how to save this thing. This Microsoft program makes me so angry, and then there's MS Windows, which is more like MS Culvert is you ask me, and the crazy internet browser, and the....

Xiamen International Christian Fellowship
www.amoymagic.com (Guide to Xiamen)