Pros & Cons of Conflict

Bill Brown ... Xiamen University
"Be wise as serpents but harmless as a dove." Matt. 10:16

"...not to bring peace but to bring a sword." Matt. 10:34

"To see what is right and not do it, is want of courage or principle." Confucius

I asked my MBA students if conflict was good or bad and most said, "Bad, of course!" And conflict is of course often harmful--but so is the complete absence of conflict, because change and growth only follow conflict. This is one reason that Jesus, the "Prince of Peace," said he came "not to bring peace but to bring a sword." Matt. 10:34

Some say this verse shows that Jesus advocated violence, but look at the context. In Matt. 10, Jesus is warning his disciples that when they preach the Good News they will be persecuted, but to be "wise as serpents and harmless as doves." (Matt. 10:16 KJV). And in Matt. 10:10, Jesus said to not take a bag for the journey, or extra tunic, sandals, staff--much less a sword! So when Jesus spoke of "bringing not peace but a sword," he was saying that his message would stir up conflict from those who opposed him.

Jesus knew the only way to peace, both inner and outer, was conflict. We must confront our dark inner and outer realities before we may deal with them. Conflict brings change, which brings growth (or destruction). This is why Jesus, the man of peace, spoke such fiery sermons--to awaken, and failing that, to enrage, for either hot or cold is better than lukewarm (Rev. 3:16).

Five Approaches to Conflict There are times to not flee conflict but to embrace it as an escape from our debilitating lukewarm spirituality. And we need prayer, wisdom and discernment to determine how to face conflict

1. Confrontation: the "showdown." I confront some issues (cheating students), but not all battles are my battles As Prov. 20:17 says, to meddle in a quarrel not one's own is like grabbing a dog by its ears.

2. Cooperation: work together. I cooperate with members of the fellowship, or nonbelievers engaged in worthy purposes, but not with those who urge me to engage in lucrative but questionable pursuits.

3. Compromise: give and take. I would never compromise my beliefs or ideals, but I do compromise on issues that are major to others and minor to me (resolving a scheduling conflict, for example).

4. Avoid: not worth the bother I actively avoid some people who feel it their calling in life to stir up dissension, but I must also be careful that I do not avoid facing issues just because they are uncomfortable for me (injustice, for example).

5. Accommodate: give in. The better you get at what you do, the more demands people place upon you. I give in to some of these demands, but only if it does not place undue strain upon me, my family, or the work that I know is my priority. (God does have priorities for each of us; even Jesus did not do everything for everyone).

The problem with conflict is it always reflects a changing situation, but our personality (unlike our attitudes) is relatively unchanging, and usually leads us to handle all conflict in the same manner. Some battle every issue; some flee them. But our personality, and perceptions, may no longer be in step with the current situation--or with where our Father is leading us.

Anchored or Tossed We need to be anchored if we are to wisely cope with the chaotic, changing world around us, otherwise we will be "infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching..." Eph. 4:14

Pray daily, read the word (a "lamp unto our feet," guiding us when faced with forks in the road), meditate upon the truths for this day, and then trust for guidance in coping with today's conflicts--for if you're alive and breathing, you will indeed face conflicts this very day. The only folks free from conflict are dead, or residing in padded cells (and they face conflict as well but don't know it).

I will never seek out conflict, but I also know that only those who go upstream feel the current against them. Today, let us accept the conflicts that our Father allows into our lives as God-given opportunities for change and growth.
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