On Easter and Christmas, even Buddhists pack the pews to enjoy Xiàmén church choirs, so get there early. While you wait they will play recordings of traditional Christmas hymns such as Silent Night, The First Noel, Frosty the Snowman and Jingle Bells. (They fit right in with the “Santa Bless You” Christmas cards sold in book stores.).
Churches fill quickly so do get there early! Otherwise, Lǎowài-loving ushers will oust some 90-year-old granny from her front row pew so the foreign friend can better see the service and so everyone else can better see the foreign friend. Of course, once you gallantly refuse the granny’s seat and pick a pew, you’re a sitting duck for a member of that Chinese sect that believes ‘speaking in tongues’ means mastering English. They’ll plop down beside you and spend the entire hour practicing English nonstop. I really have had prayers go like this:
“Our Father who art in –”
“—What country are you from?”
“Thy kingdom come, thy will be –”
“—Where do you work?”
“Give us this day our –”
“—How much money do you make?”
“And lead us not into temptation.”
(Like murder?)
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