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"Two are better than one...If two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? A cord of three strands is not easily broken." Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
27 tears ago today, Sue and I married in Taipei, Taiwan, where she was born. She lived in Taiwan 13 years, so I like to joke that she is my blond, blue-eyed "Made in Taiwan" wife, but Frank Crowhurst says she is not Made in Taiwan but Made in Heaven. Well, Frank, I agree! And I'm thankful that even after 27 years we are not only husband and wife but best friends. After all, anyone can be a spouse. You just need a legal document from a courthouse, or a quickie wedding in Vegas. But not anyone can be a best friend, especially after 27 years. But that does not mean our made in heaven marriage was always heavenly...
How to Break a 3-Strand Rope A rope of two-strands is twice as strong, but a rope of three strands can be more than
ten times as strong! This is because the harder you pull the rope, the tighter the three strands pull together--so the more tension, the stronger the rope. But you can break a three-strand rope as easily as a single-strand one if you:1) separate the strands, and
2) pull each strand separately, preferably in different directions.
I've certainly learned how this analogy applies to marriage during my 27 years with Sue.
Tying the Double Knot. I fell for Sue when I first met her on Easter Sunday, 1981 (read "China our Matchmaker"). We went out that Thursday, and saw each other almost every day until we were married in Taiwan on Sunday, December 13th. We married twice, actually--on the 10th in the Chinese courthouse and on the 13th in Christ Chapel. So I not only tied the knot but tied a double knot!
Separating the Strands We loved each other, and had a common goal (China!), but we were both young, immature (at least she was! :) ), and we had many issues to work through. I was under a lot of stress because I was working full time at a new business to pay for my full time graduate studies. If that wasn't enough, we had to face a $30,000 medical bill without insurance. It is a wonder we didn't become a statistic and join the 50% of Americans who solve their marital problems with divorce.
The Root of the Problem Sue suggested marital counseling, but I thought, at least in our case, the root of the marriage problems was also spiritual--primarily my own problem, though I had no idea how to deal with it. We did not read the Bible together, or pray together, and though
I was doing many "spiritual" things (working with youth, for example), my inward walk was nothing like the outward walk everyone saw.I had read that a marriage relationship is like a triangle, with Sue and I at two corners and God at the other, but I could not draw close to Sue because of my pride, and past hurts, and I could not draw near to God because I could not forgive either Sue or myself. I had no idea what to do--but happily, my Father took it out of my hands.!
A Surprise Visitor We were surprised when a man we did not know visited one Saturday morning and asked, "How are your quiet times?" What quiet times?! He literally took charge. He organized a weekly Navigators 2:7 Bible study with us and others. We met weekly, and were held accountable for preparing, having daily quiet times, and
praying together. How I hated praying in front of Sue. I was embarrassed because 1) I did not pray eloquently like the "religious" people we knew, and 2) I felt hypocritical talking to God in front of Sue when she knew what an absolute mess I was emotionally and spiritually. But I did it anyway, the best I could. And over time the discipline helped us draw closer to our Father--and as we did, we drew closer to each other as well.Over the years, we have seen repeatedly that when we walk close to our Father, we are closer to each other, but when our spiritual life unravels, so does our marriage. The reverse is true as well: trials in our marriage affect our spiritual walk.
Abandon One Strand for Another? I know some people who have "sacrificed" their families for God, but I can't see how we can allow one strand to unravel and remain strong enough to serve the third. From Adam on down, "man was not meant to be alone." Granted, some do not marry--but for those of us who are blessed with a spouse, to attempt to serve God without them is like trying to sit on a two-legged stool.
A two-strand rope is 2x as strong as a single strand, and a 3-strand rope is 10 to 15 times stronger--and when that 3rd strand is our Father, that strength is infinitely greater--but only when the three strands are close together. Separate them, and they unravel and break as easily as a single strand.
Over the years we've been unraveled and separated and frayed more times than I care to remember. But I'm thankful that, through this, we have pulled together, and are not just husband and wife but best friends.
Happy 27th Anniversary, Susan Marie!
And congratulations to our son, Shannon, who will marry Miki on January 1st, 2009, at Xiamen's Xinjie Church (China's oldest Protestant Church, built in 1848 by the Amoy Mission).
The Ropes Only Bar
A piece of string went into a bar but the bartender said "This is a rope's only bar," and kicked him out. The string simply tied himself in a few knots, unraveled his ends, and then walked back into the bar. The bartender said, "Hey, aren't you the string that I just kicked out of here?"
The piece of string replied, "I'm a frayed knot."
"China our Matchmaker" ..... Valentine for Amoy Sue
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