Wal-Mart Funeral

Bill Brown ... Xiamen University
Last week at XICF, LT shared what happened at Wal-Mart right after his father's funeral. What happened was--nothing! Life went on. Even in that small town, most people had no idea LT's father had been dying of cancer for six months, and had just been buried. Only a very small circle of friends knew or cared--and it would have been even smaller had LT's father not been fortunate enough to have been given a death sentence in advance so he would have time to heal his broken relationships.

Death Sentence = Life Sentence Many people say they want to die quickly and painlessly in their sleep, which is fine if you're really ready to die--but what if you're not? When doctor's told LT's father he had only six months to live, he was shocked, but as he wasted away to nothing he had time to reflect upon his life and to put some things right. For decades, he had refused to speak to family, friends and church members because he felt he had been wronged. And maybe he had been cheated, but with death staring you in the face, priorities change, and a few thousand dollars lost decades ago no longer seems important. LT's father made amends, and renewed some friendships during his final months, but as he breathed his last, and those friends stood around his bedside, I'm sure he regretted waiting so long to seek reconciliation with wife, family and friends.

Our Death Sentence. The death rate for 21st Century Asians is the same as for 21st Century Westerners: 100%. But unlike Steve Cochran, the beloved Xiamen teacher who passed away just before Christmas 2008 (see "Sown in China"), most of us don't know if we'll die in our own beds or shrivel away in a hospital bed. Do we need death to stare us in the face to humble us and awaken us to life?

Death Sentence = Humility. It is amazing how proud we can become in life, as if we are somehow responsible for the very breaths we take, but someday even the mighty Donald Trump's toupee will lie flat on his sweaty brow, and he'll worry more bedpans and bowel movements than hostile take-overs and firing incompetent mortals. What will seem important to Trump then? What will seem important to us?

Seize the Day, or Seize the Life. Although death is a certainty, life is not. We have to choose to live, rather than merely existing day-to-day. When LT's father learned he was dying, he "seized the day", but what a pity he had not "seized his life" and embraced relationships, because life is 100% about relationships. We're all tossed in together in life, like rough stones in a jeweler's tumbler, and the pommeling either polishes us or breaks us--or we can take the easy way out and separate us from others, but it is a lonely way to go, and we do not grow.

Better or Bitter. If someone wrongs you, seek reconciliation, not revenge [I Thess. 5:!5, "don't repay evil for evil"]. If you can't work it out, forgive them. If you don't, it will eat away at you while those who wronged you go on their merry way, oblivious of your pain. When it comes to the end of the road, it will be the relationships we will value, or miss, and not the things we argued over.

The big relationship is, of course, marriage. After almost 30 years with Sue, how grateful I am that my wife and I stuck it out, even though we wanted to kill each other a few times. We are not only husband and wife but best friends, through ups and downs. I cannot imagine how life would have been without my wife and sons (and new daughter-in-law). Relationships aren't made, they are grown, over time--and they are worth the effort.

When Paul said goodbye to the Corinthians, he said, "Finally, brothers, good-by. Aim for perfection, listen to my appeal, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you." 2 Cor. 13:11

Live in peace, and our Father will live in peace with us, and in us, and will be with us even after the funeral, when everyone else has headed for Wal-Mart.

"I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Jesus, in Matthew 25:40
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