Miki's Marriage; Water Poured Before the Horse

Bill Brown ... Xiamen University

"Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me." Psalm 27:10

"Water Poured on the Ground in Front of the Horse" (Ma qian po shui 马前泼水) Chinese Saying, Han Dynasty 206 B.C.- A.D. 220.

[See "Kiss of the Year!"]

Our oldest son, Shannon, married Miki yesterday in Xinjie Church, the oldest church in China (more on that later, in "Off the Wall"). A few days before their marriage, Miki said sadly, "I'm going to miss my parents after I'm married."

"But you'll live only a few miles away!" I said. Miki replied, "But I won't be their daughter anymore. Chinese custom is once the girl is married, she belongs to a new family, and can never return. That's why my father would have preferred a son. A girl grows up to be like water spilled on the ground that can't be scooped up again."

In traditional Chinese culture, marriage is a scary time for a girl. She loses her family, and lives for decades under the heavy hand of her mother-in-law. The Cinderella story originated in China because Chinese literature is full of evil step-mothers and mother-in-laws.

We will go out of our way to avoid Miki becoming just "water spilt on the ground in front of the horse"--a 2000-year-old Chinese saying that refers to an irreversible decision or mistake.

Spilled Water The scholar Chu Mai Chen, who lived about 2000 years ago, was such a bookworm that he was barely able to support his wife. His practical spouse at first urged him to work, but he kept saying, "One day I will succeed." She finally said, "By the time you succeed, I will have starved," and she left him.

Years later, the emperor asked Chu Mai Chen to take charge of a military operation to suppress a rebellion, and he made Chu the prefect of his native village, Hui Chi. The entire village turned out to welcome their local boy made good, and his former wife pushed her way through the crowd and explained at great length why Chu should take her back. Chu listened in silence, patiently, then asked his servant to bring him a basin of water. He had the water poured on the ground in front of his horse, and said, "If you can scoop up all that water and put it back into the basin, I promise to make up with you." She got the message, departed, and killed herself.

Today, the phrase "Water poured on the ground in front of the horse" refers to a mistake that cannot be remedied; it is similar to our "no use crying over spilled milk."

Pouring or Stagnating. As long as we are on this earth we will be pouring our life and love out. If we cease to flow, we stagnate, and are of no use to ourselves, others, or our Father. We must be like Paul, who in Philippians 2:17, was "poured out like an offering as part of the sacrifice and service I offer for your faith; I rejoice, and I share my joy with all of you."

Bitter Water or Sweet? Whether we pour out our life for good or evil is up to us. If we pour evil, we can be forgiven. If we pour good, we will be replenished, for the more we pour out, the more our Father pours in.

Big Scoop or Inexhaustible Supply? If I dwelt upon my many mistakes, I might despair like Job, who in 30:16 said "And now my soul is poured out within me." Fortunately, my Father does not demand I scoop up the water spilt upon the ground before the horse because he neither needs nor wants the water I have wasted. He forgives us, and replenishes us from a spring of living water that is inexhaustible--if we are tapped into it.

Our Father's living water is love. Romans 5:5, "and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." And it is that inexhaustible love that forgives and forgets, rather than forces us to scoop the water back into the basin.

Today, on Miki's first day of marriage, she may feel abandoned by her parents. I hope this will change, and that her parents can accept that she is still their daughter, as well as ours--that they will not force her to scoop up the spilled water. But regardless of how they, or we, treat Miki, she has a Heavenly Father who will never forsake her. "Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me." Psalm 27:10
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