Recovering Guilt Addict? (Guiltaholics)

Bill Brown .... Xiamen University
"My guilt has overwhelmed me. Like a heavy load, it is more than I can bear." Psalm 38:4 (God's Word translation).

"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:30

"The guilty think all talk is of themselves." Geoffrey Chaucer

While leading singing a couple weeks ago at Xiamen International Christian Fellowship (XICF), G. Sobel said that one of the songs was a comfort for "recovering guilt addicts" like him. What a phrase! I later learned it struck a chord not only with me but several others in the congregation.

Is guilt bad? It depends. A person who never felt any guilt would be a psychopath, and need to be locked away to protect them and society. But most sane people carry a lot of baggage--loads of guilt accumulated over a lifetime of mistakes, and guiltaholics not only carry the load but are crushed beneath it. We can escape the paralysis of guilt only by discerning if we just feel feel guilty or if we are really guilty--and then dealing with the guilt.

There are many kinds of guilt, including real guilt, imaginary guilt, and needless guilt.

Real guilt: I did wrong, and feel guilty, and will feel guilty until I've made it right.

Imaginary guilt: I mistakenly think that I did wrong, and feel guilty, though I am not guilty. But imaginary guilt can be as paralyzing as real guilt.

Needless guilt: I did wrong, but was pardoned or forgiven, and yet still feel guilty. In this case, we need to "forgive ourselves as we forgive others." This is of course easier said than done, but if we don't deal with them, we can further harm relationships with loved ones who have forgiven us and want to move forward.

Right and Wrong? In determining if we are guilty, the question arises, what is really right or wrong? It can vary in different societies and cultures. Some resolve this by saying that there is no definitive right or wrong, that it is relative--and so there is no real guilt. Pop psychology says the key is realizing you are okay, and you've done nothing wrong. Accept yourself, be positive, and all will be well. And this is good to a point--but it doesn't fix the problem if you are really guilty.

As C.S. Lewis pointed out in "Mere Christianity," virtually every culture on the planet shares similar notions of what is right and wrong--the "natural law". Some deny there is right or wrong, but cheat them and they will demand their rights--though their are no "rights" if there is no right or wrong. Without a moral law, there is only survival of the fittest.

So daily we wrestle with real and imaginary guilt, and to confuse things, sometimes we have imaginary guilt that disguises real guilt. But it comes back to the first question: is guilt a state or a feeling? Am I really guilty or do I just feel guilty? And if I resolve my past problems, does that mean I can keep from making mistakes today?

Not Actions but Relation The root of my guilt is not my violation of the Moral Law but my wrong relationship with the Author of the Moral Law. Paul addressed this clearly:

"For I don't do the good I want to do, but instead do the evil that I don't want to do." (Romans 7:19). Sounds like he felt some guilt! But in verses 20-24 he wrote that it is not him doing the evil but sin in him, and he concluded with, "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is infected by death?"

Paul was well acquainted with guilt. He "died daily" (1 Cor. 15:31). If we are honest (and sane), we too add daily to our store of guilt--but it does not have to paralyze us.

The solution is not denying guilt, or chanting positive affirmations about our self worth. We deal with the guilt not by ceasing to do wrong (which we cannot) but by changing our relationship with the One who wrote the healthy natural laws of right and wrong that are appealed to even by those who deny that they exist.

If the governor or president pardons a criminal, they are no longer legally guilty, even if they continue to feel guilty. If our Father pardons us, we too are free from guilt, and we need to let go of the paralyzing imaginary guilt that constrains us. Like Paul, we need to "forget what is behind and press forward to what ahead (Philippians 3:!3), not in our strength but in our Fathers.

Tomorrow, I will no doubt do more to feel guilty about, but I won't wallow in the guilt and allow it to immobilize me, but let it be a prompt to draw even closer to the our Father, whose Light is the only lasting solution to the darkness of guilt.

Thanks, Mr. Sobel, for your good music, and your good words. By the way, I wish my guitar playing was as good as yours. I just don't practice enough, I guess, and I feel really guilty about that...

Related Blog: Pressing Forward without the Baggage

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